A Letter of Thanks

By Donna McBrite

Dear Blacknall Family,

I wanted to write a short thank you as I prepare to move from the Triangle after more than 20 years. It’s still hard to believe I have worked at Blacknall for 5 years, but then again I feel I have known some of you much longer. You all certainly welcomed me as a member of the family, and your hospitality and welcome began before my initial interview, and has extended through my farewell. From the cards, phone calls, drop in visits and gifts your generosity and heartfelt expressions have meant the world to me.

I can’t thank you all enough for the relationships we have formed. I would be remiss if I didn’t specifically thank the “Wednesday morning guys” that truly help keep Blacknall running. I don’t know how I would have managed all the building maintenance issues that go along with a 100+ year old building. Thankfully the Lord brought along Roger, Ken, Rick and the gang to walk alongside me. This group of men came to me with servant’s hearts and an unending giving spirit, along with some serious handyman skills! The many people that work quietly in the background at Blacknall (you all know who you are!) is an amazing testimony to using the gifts God has given to serve the Lord.

To the staff and church leadership, as well as the Personnel committee, I say thank you again! It’s amazing to see how God raises up the next leaders in this church with each new year. From the deacons and elders to all the many committees, the work of this body could not happen without the commitment to serve. I appreciate the importance of prayer in all you do and I will keep you all in my prayers, and I ask for your prayers as I attempt to discern my next steps.

Thank you again for the many blessings I have received,

Donna

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Read more December Newsletter articles…
Pastor’s Letter | Allan Poole
Surviving the Holidays After a Loved One’s Death | Alice Wisler
Advent in the Library | Mindy Lance

Advent in the Library

By Mindy Lance

Prepare your heart for Christ's coming. Looking to focus on the real meaning of Christmas? The Blacknall Library can be a resource to help you and your family ready your hearts and minds for the celebration of God's gift. You can find children's storybooks and videos and Advent devotionals for all ages. Here are just a few from our collection:

For families:

• A Jesus Christmas by Barbara Reaoch – Focuses on how God prepared the world for Jesus right from the beginning of creation.

• The Way to the Manger by Jeff and Abbey Land – Walks through the themes of hope, love, joy, and peace with talking points and activities for families to enjoy together.

• Good Dirt by Lacy Finn Borgo – Combines kid-friendly activities, daily devotionals and Bible readings, introducing the 12 classical spiritual disciplines as tools to work the soil of the soul.

For adults:

• Hidden Christmas by Tim Keller – Guides readers through an illuminating journey into the surprising background of the Nativity story.

• Night Visions by Jan Richardson – Draws readers into the quiet spaces of an often-frenzied season, beckoning us to encounter the God who dwells in darkness as well as in daylight.

• The Meaning Is in the Waiting by Paula Gooder – Focuses on the spiritual practice of waiting. Advent is about learning to love the waiting, being expectant rather than urgent, keeping us focused on God in the present, rather than on an uncertain future.

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Read more December Newsletter articles…
Pastor’s Letter | Allan Poole
Surviving the Holidays After a Loved One’s Death | Alice Wisler
A Letter of Thanks | Donna McBrite

Surviving the Holidays After a Loved One’s Death

By Alice Wisler

That holiday-pang hit my stomach the first October after Daniel died. Greeting me at an arts and craft shop were gold and silver stockings, a Christmas tree draped with turquoise balls and a wreath of pinecones and red berries. What was this? And was “Santa Claus Is Coming To Town” playing as well? It was only October.

I had anticipated that Christmas and the holidays would be tough. In fact, I’d wake on those cold mornings after Daniel died in February and be grateful that it was still months until his August birthday and even more months until Christmas. I dreaded living both without him. I would have preferred to have been steeped in cow manure. At least then I could take a hot bath with sweet smelling bubbles and be rid of the stench. But bereavement isn’t that way. As those who had gone on before let me know, you have to live through it.

Christmas came. I did live through it. It continues to happen as do the other significant days of the calendar year. Daniel never arrives at any of them although his memory lives on. By incorporating him into these days of festivity, I can cope.

Some of you have your child’s birthday and/or anniversary day within the November through January season. These days, in addition to the holidays everyone else is celebrating, make the season even more complicated and painful, I’m sure.

I offer eleven tips I’ve used to survive the holidays. Some are my own suggestions and some are borrowed from the many who walk the path of grief.

1. Know you will survive. Others have done it and you will, too. Keep in mind that your first Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year’s Day will not be easy.

2. Find at least one person you can talk to or meet with during the holiday season. Perhaps this person has gone through a few Thanksgivings and Christmases before and can give you some helpful ideas that have worked for her.

3. Don’t think you have to do the “traditional” activities of years past when your child was alive. Things will be different this holiday season and perhaps for all the rest to come. Your energy level is low. If no one in your household minds, skip putting up the tree. Forget spending hours making your holiday cookies.

4. Spend the holidays with those who will let you talk about your child. You will need to have the freedom to say your child’s name and recall memories, if you choose to do so. Your stories about your child are wonderful legacies. Tell them boldly again and again.

5. Shop for gifts online or through mail-order catalogs if going into the mall or stores brings too much pain. Thinking everyone is happily shopping at the malls with intact lives while your heart is crushed is terribly tough. Go easy on yourself.

6. Getting away from the house is an idea that worked for my family. The first Christmas without Daniel we went to a nearby town and lived in the Embassy Suites. The kids enjoyed the indoor pool and breakfast buffets. Christmases that followed were spent at a rented cottage on the shore and the Christmas we rented the beach house, we were able to invite extended family to join us. We all shared in the cooking.

7. Create something to give to those who have helped you throughout the year. I made some very simple tree ornaments with “In Memory of Daniel” stamped on them and gave them to friends that first Christmas.

8. Decorate the grave. Put up a plastic Christmas tree with lights. Sometimes being busy with decorating the grave gives a feeling of doing something for a child we can no longer hold.

9. Do something in memory of your child. Donate to a charity or fund in his memory. Volunteer. My oldest daughter Rachel and I volunteer at the Hospice Tree of Remembrance each December and share memories of Daniel as we spend this time together.

10. If your bereavement support group has a special candle-lighting service to remember the children in your area who have died, attend it. Doing something in memory of your child with others who understand the pain these holidays hold can be therapeutic.

11. Spend time reflecting on what the season is about. Everyone around you may be frantic with attending parties, services, shopping and visiting relatives. Perhaps you used to be the same way. Now you may want to avoid some of the festivities. Give yourself permission to excuse yourself from them. Light a candle in your favorite scent. Record some thoughts in a journal. This is great therapy, too.

One day you will wake up and it will be January 2. The holidays will have ended. You will have made it. If you are like me, you will find that surviving the tinsel has made you stronger and although you may cry, somewhere within you, you will feel that core of new steel.

This post originally appeared on Oct. 5, 2009 at opentohope.com.

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Read more December Newsletter articles…
Pastor’s Letter | Allan Poole
A Letter of Thanks | Donna McBrite
Advent in the Library | Mindy Lance

Pastor's Letter | Allan Poole

“O Come, O Come Emmanuel, and ransom captive Israel…”

Dear Blacknall family,

 If you happened to be with us in worship two Sundays ago you might remember that David Dunderdale said to the children gathered about his feet, “Happy New Year!” His acclamation was met with stares of confusion. And maybe the children weren’t alone in their confusion!  That day, Sunday December 1st, began the new year as Christians have traditionally marked time. And the first “season” of that new year is called Advent.

The first hymn we sang that morning was “O Come, O Come Emmanuel,” a hymn that for many of us officially marks the countdown to Christmas. But past centuries have understood that countdown very differently when compared to our own time and place. 

In 2019 we mark the beginning of this season with something called “Black Friday,” and we line up for a midnight vigil at our favorite store’s doors in anticipation of the shopping discounts that await within. Or more likely we stare at our computer screens and take advantage of the online deals. Black Friday has grown into Cyber Monday and now Cyber Week! But the ancient church anticipated the season with a different call: to deepen our dependence on God, to recognize our need for a Savior, to remember his first coming and to prepare for his return.

The observation of Advent (from the Latin word for “coming”) began in the fourth century as a forty-day period of penance and preparation for baptisms at Epiphany (January 6); two centuries later the observance was shifted backward in the calendar a bit to the four-week period prior to Christmas Day. But the emphasis remained the same. In order to receive afresh the glorious good news of God come to earth, we need to prepare, to take stock, to carve out some time in the midst of the holiday craziness to ask ourselves, “Just what does the coming of Jesus into the world, and into my life, mean?”

The honest answer we hear may be, “Not much, actually.” And with that honest appraisal comes the challenge we face not just at Christmas but in every hour of every day of our lives: If our prayer is that Emmanuel would “ransom captive Israel,” what vision of captivity and freedom are we nurturing? How do we understand freedom when we do not recognize our captivity?  

It is fairly easy to understand captivity in military or judicial terms. But the gospel understands that there are many ways to be held captive, and the more dangerous ones are the ones that look so “normal,” where we are, unbelievably, held captive with our own permission.  You might have heard of “Stockholm Syndrome, an emotional displacement that takes place among hostages where they develop a dependence upon and even a love for their captors. Have we come to understand our own circumstances in this way? Mistaking our captivity for flourishing?

To prepare for Christmas is to seek, with God’s help, to recognize and then surrender those habits, those ideas, those practices that continue to hold us captive. To sing “O Come O Come Emmanuel” is to give voice to our need for deliverance, to admit that all is not well with us and the world we inhabit. 

The very good news is that Jesus knows all this already; for this very reason he has come. He holds the keys to death and hell, and that is worth celebrating. And there is no better way to celebrate than to invite the Lord of all to be birthed in a fresh way in your life, that his kingdom may come - in us and through us to the world he loves.

“O come, thou Rod of Jesse, free thine own from Satan’s tyranny; from depths of hell thy people save and give us victory o’er the grave! Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel has come for thee….”

 Our God is with us,

Allan 

Artwork: Christmas by Ivan Filichev, 1991

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Read more December newsletter articles…
Surviving the Holidays After a Loved One’s Death | Alice Wisler
A Letter of Thanks | Donna McBrite
Advent in the Library | Mindy Lance